Mom's Guilt: Am I Doing Enough? The Question That Follows Every Mom

by Anisha Bhojwani

For me, I feel like my ‘Mom Guilt’ started even before I became a mother — does that sound silly? I remember feeling overwhelmed the moment I got all those lists from friends who were already mothers, filled with hundreds of things my baby would need and everything I was expected to do from day one.

There was pressure to “get it right”: breastfeed exclusively, buy the “right” stroller, have all the sensory toys. I still remember every mum who came to visit asking if my baby was following the Gina Ford routine — I think that phrase still gives me anxiety! Truly, from the beginning, the bar felt impossibly high.

This summer, that familiar feeling of guilt has crept back in stronger than ever. With the kids at home and me heading off to work each day, I’ve felt it more sharply — and that’s what prompted me to finally write this.

Over time, I’ve realised that mom guilt shows up in two very distinct ways.

The first is the guilt we put on ourselves — mostly around time. As a working mom, I carry the weight of not always being physically present. I wasn’t working when I had Ziya — she had my full, undivided attention. But with Zayn, I’m juggling deadlines, meetings, to-do lists — and sometimes I wonder: Is he getting enough of me? Am I missing the moments that matter?

Connected to this is the guilt of doing something for myself — a workout, a haircut, even a quiet coffee alone. The voice creeps in: Shouldn’t you be with the kids? And dare I say it, I don’t think dads carry this weight in quite the same way we do.

The second kind of guilt? Comparison. Social media, WhatsApp chats, school pick up conversations — it can feel like I’m never doing enough.

Not sleep training. Not enrolling in enough classes or experiences. Not baking. Not doing every school pickup. Not banning screen time. Just… not enough.

But here’s what I’ve come to learn: kids don’t need a curated childhood. They need love, security, and connection. And the truth is — if you’re worrying about being a good mom, you already are one. I’ve stopped comparing and started accepting that I’m the best possible mom for my children — and that’s more than enough.

Ziya may have had more of me then, but now she’s learning to share me — and to see her mom in different roles. That matters, too.

So how am I learning to carry the guilt more gently?

• Being present: When I’m with them, I put my phone away — work WhatsApps and emails can wait.
• Bedtime reading: A sacred ritual I never skip — something I genuinely look forward to.
• School pickups: That drive home is when Ziya shares her day, and Zayn falls asleep on my lap. It’s our little ritual (and it’s OK that this doesn’t happen everyday)
• Involving them in life: Grocery shopping, errands, everyday routines — I try to turn them into moments of connection.
• Accepting it takes a village: It doesn’t all have to fall on me. If love and care come from dad, extended family, or someone else, that’s still a win — especially when I’m feeling burnt out.
• Accepting the guilt itself: It’s okay not to make every school pickup. It’s okay to go to the gym. We can only be good moms when we fill our own cups, too.